We will not stop peacefully pursuing a nuclear program to destroy Israel and parts of the US,’ said Iranian ambassador Mahmoud Amana as he sipped from a bottle of Dasani at a meeting of the United Nations.

Records revealed that Democratic lawmakers scrambled until the early morning to draft the bill, and a source close to the President said it shows.

Hitler's bizarre upbringing explains many of his adult obsessions.

Out-of-work temp Shelly Rondo walked blissfully out of Sirens Salon humming a Jackie Wilson tune yesterday, bursting with confidence  from a haircut that is totally imperceptible to everyone who knows her. “I feel like a million bucks!” gushed the recently divorced, emotionally scarred  Ms. Rondo, who paused to admire her reflection in the window of the [...]

Dr. Stanley Gershwin confessed that his career in cancer care has actually been a publicity stunt to get a reality TV show.

Witnesses mistook the scream for a meteorite crashing into earth, a battle cry from Satan, and a group of senior citizens who were too late to qualify for the early bird special at IHOP.

Paralysed rats whose spinal cords had been severed from their brains and were made to run again reported being happy but wary, according to a study released Sunday. While the captive rodents said they were momentarily thrilled to regain mobility, they reported that they were still scared shitless to be living in a medical laboratory [...]

According to a Pole, New York governor David Paterson is not just nearly blind but quasi-retarded as well. Aleksdandra Czerwinsky, 29-year old Polish woman who recently emigrated to the United States, was baffled Friday when she learned that despite President Obama’s edict to drop out of the upcoming New York gubernatorial election, David Patterson plans on [...]

Americans are getting fatter. Aleksandra Czerwinksy, a 29-year-old Polish woman who recently emigrated to the US, has found that at least half of everyone she sees is overweight. “These people, it cannot be more than three of the days in a week that they are exercise,” concluded the Pole. Czerwinsky’s findings comprise the culmination  of two months [...]

Being gay used to mean two things:  practicing a heathen lifestyle outside the grace of God and excelling at musical theater. Now, being gay also means that you’ll get preferential treatment in city contracting if you’re a business owner. That’s nothing to shake a dick at. Mayor Richard Daley said Wednesday he would support an effort [...]

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Wednesday declared a fiscal emergency for the state government that will force lawmakers into an agreement with a shrewd, bloodthirsty centaur in order to tackle a $24.3 billion state budget gap. “Let’s be honest—this budget solution wasn’t our first, or even our second or third, choice,” Human Resources manager Lisa Schlenkie [...]

Pop psychology has long interested itself in how people unwittingly reveal their personalities