Brandt Ketterer | The Daily Blank

»Brandt Ketterer«

| brandt.ketterer@thedailyblank.com | 44 posts

Born and raised in the tropics, I ended up moving to the Midwest after high school, mainly because I thought it would be a lot of fun to freeze my ass off nine months out of the year for a change. After studiously cramming four years of college into six and graduating with a bachelor's degree in Biblical languages, I opted out of an academic profession and instead chose to pursue creative writing, which I suck at. However, I think I probably suck the most at writing satire. Cheers.

Weis: felony murder charges for donut shop owners

→ February 28, 2010 0

Those donut felons could have easily foreseen that cops would die of heart attacks. Hit 'em with murder charges.

Chicago Auto Show targeted for parking violations

→ February 20, 2010 0

More controversial parking tickets. Same old insider deals.

Robertson to sign contract with Earthquake Hazards Program

→ January 15, 2010 0

"Oh, it was the Devil? Of course! Please, won't you help us stop the next earthquake!"

Oral Roberts killed by God after failing to extort large sum of money

→ December 20, 2009 0

"Seriously, Oral, you're losing your touch. It's time to come home."

Gitmo prisoners wary of being moved to Illinois

→ December 10, 2009 1

While officials debate the transfer of enemy combatants from Guantanamo Bay to the state correctional center in Thomson, Illinois, one important voice has not yet been heard from: the prisoners themselves.