A typographical error in a full-page newspaper advertisement led to confusion as dozens of sex workers from around the country descended upon SoxFest at the Palmer House Hilton in downtown Chicago this weekend.

“It’s amazing how changing one little vowel can cause all of this,” said event organizer Tom Downey, pointing to a nearby crowd of scantily-clad strippers, escorts and porn stars huddled around White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko.  “While it’s great to see such enthusiasm for the players, it’s a bit disruptive.  No one has seen A.J. Pierzynski since Porsche Lynn asked him for private catching lessons three hours ago.”

The unexpected influx of exotic dancers, courtesans and adult models caught many traditional baseball fans by surprise.

“It’s disgraceful,” said Ryan Connor, a father of three from Buffalo Grove.  “When you come to SoxFest, you expect to meet Alexei Ramirez and get his autograph.  Instead, someone named Cocoa asked my fourteen year old son to sign her chest.  Which he did.  Repeatedly.  He then asked me whether a Cleveland steamer is like a Baltimore chop, and if I could show him how to do one?  Disgusting!”

Other White Sox fans took the miscommunication in stride, using this opportunity to meet some of their favorite adult film stars.  The line to have photographs taken with three-time Golden Stroke award-winner Delilah Strong was almost as long as the line to be photographed with Sox manager Ozzie Guillen.

“I think it’s great,” said Teddy Newsome of Bridgeport.  “Sure, it’s amazing what John Danks can do when there are two outs and three men on base.  But have you seen Darlene Goodhead place an entire miniature baseball bat down her throat? It’s more inspiring than a no-hitter and a grand slam rolled into one!”

For several sex workers, this weekend was the first time they had come into close contact with America’s baseball culture.

“Oooh, look! They have a furry here!” exclaimed British adult film actress Lolly Badcock, pointing at Southpaw, the White Sox mascot as the green creature signed autographs for a group of school children. “He looks like my old boyfriend.  I wonder if that bloke’s been nicked for shagging a plow horse too!”

Still other erotic entrepreneurs took a more pragmatic approach once they reviewed the weekend’s long list of seminars, autograph signings, photo opportunities,  and sales.

“The only reason I’m here is to listen to Mark Buehrle talk about breaking balls,” said Mistress Onyx, a transvestite dominatrix from Las Vegas, Nevada.  “I’ve also heard he is going to demonstrate a backdoor slider.  I think I can give him a tip or two on that one.”

This was written by Mitchell Snyder for The Daily Blank. It is licensed under an Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. If you love it, please re-post the complete article (including this blurb) on your site. We'd be flattered.