Jennifer Espinosa, a biology teacher at Maine East High School, was arrested on charges of sexual abuse with an underage former student.And by “underage former student” I mean “16 year old dropout.”

Now, I also happen to be a former student of Jennifer Espinosa. And the main difference between me and the DROPOUT she has admitted to “being in love with” and having an eight month long relationship with, is that I graduated.

Well, and that I never had sex with her.

But what doesn’t make sense to me or my parents, is why not?

I was young, virile and Mrs. Espinosa, you were almost semi-hot back then (of course you weren’t even close to Ms. Lynch in hotness, but that’s not the point).

So what happened?

Was I just not good enough for you, Mrs. Espinosa? Or maybe I wasn’t troubled enough?

I understand.

I know a lot of women go crazy for that 16 year old high school dropout demographic. The moment I turned that first homework assignment in on time, I never had a chance.

Maybe this was all just your way of trying to get that student away from his gang. Had only I dropped out of school when I was 16…

It could be something a lot simpler than that, though. Maybe there just wasn’t a large enough age gap between us when I was your student?

16 is the new 18, after all.

It’s just too bad no one told that to the police. Oh, you don’t get the newspaper? Well, you can read all about your arrest here.

And when you’re done with that, want to know what you’ve been missing out on?

I’m a fucking romantic.

That’s right.

I give flowers. I send cards just because I miss you. I look into your eyes and tell you how I can’t help but smile when I think about you.

I asked my ex for a quote about my romanticism, and you know what she said?

“Make something up.”

That’s right. I’m so damned romantic that my ex knows I could just say anything at all and it would be enough to make any girl’s insides melt.

So yeah, when you look over your life to count up all the missed opportunities, you’ll probably want to be sure you count me twice.

But I hear things aren’t all bad at least. My sources tell me that registrations for your classes next year have tripled.

And no, we can’t still be friends.

This was written by Costa Botsis for The Daily Blank. It is licensed under an Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. If you love it, please re-post the complete article (including this blurb) on your site. We'd be flattered.