Several Republican leaders attended a waterboarding fundraiser on Saturday to boost the coffers of the Republican National Committee and give Sean Hannity a chance to get laid.

Hannity, Fox News Channel and radio talk show host, organized the event after he reneged on a pledge to get waterboarded and his wife cut him off in the bedroom as a result.

On his cable TV show in April, Hannity agreed to a challenge from actor Charles Grodin to be waterboarded for charity to benefit the families of U.S. troops. Keith Olberman, host of MSNBC’s “Countdown,” offered to contribute $1,000 for every second that Hannity could stand being waterboarded.

When Hannity reneged, conservative radio host Erich “Mancow” Muller was waterboarded on his May 22 radio show in exchange for a $10,000 donation from Olbermann to the Veterans of Valor charity.

Muller, who previously said waterboarding wasn’t torture, changed his mind after being waterboarded for six seconds. Muller, who drowned as a child and had to be revived, said waterboarding was far worse and was indeed torture.

Hannity said a lack of marital relations at home finally convinced him to get waterboarded.

“My wife said she lost respect for me after I chickened out on waterboarding. She cut me off in the bedroom. All she talks about is how much of a stud Mancow is. She even said it was a good thing for me he was already married,” Hannity said. “I figured it was time for me to act like a man so why not help my party with a fundraiser and maybe gain back some self-respect and a little you know what.”

With the sponsorship and promotion of Fox News, Hannity convinced many of his fellow Republicans to follow suit.

Participants gathered pledges of various amounts for each second they could withstand the torture. A group of masked ex-military men carried out the procedures.

Hannity lasted one second, netting him a fundraising total of three cents for the GOP. He then whisked past the media to his car as an assistant handed him a bottle of wine and a rose.

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) set the record among his colleagues by lasting five seconds. Boehner, known for his seemingly permanent day-glow tan, had to be revived afterwards.

“A tanning bed is pretty much like this, although without panicking for your very life and passing out,” Boehner said. “Apart from that, it’s no big deal. It was worth it to raise some funds for the party and hopefully Hannity can get some. He’s been kind of ornery lately.”

RNC Chairman Michael Steele lasted two seconds but raised the most funds at $1.3 million.

“I guess there’s just a lot of people who wanted to see me get waterboarded,” Steele said. “I certainly hope some of my sponsors were Democrats, although I heard my biggest contributor was Rush Limbaugh.”

Conservative radio talk show host Limbaugh was not at the event. On his radio show, Limbaugh defended his failure to attend the fundraiser noting that his rotund frame and past abuse of prescription drugs would’ve made waterboarding unsafe for him.

“What do I care if Hannity isn’t getting any at home, after all he is a Republican,” Limbaugh told his listeners. “Even though I said waterboarding is no big deal, a fat recovering drug addict like me can’t take any chances.”

This was written by Marcus Manfred for The Daily Blank. It is licensed under an Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. If you love it, please re-post the complete article (including this blurb) on your site. We'd be flattered.